Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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