"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
