When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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