Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize