Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
