it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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