I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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