she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
