I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
