Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize