Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize