So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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