dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
