paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
