You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
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