Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
