i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
