I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
only you would photoshop your dick
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
and you fell through a lawn chair
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
