I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
