it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
