Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
