Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
