Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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