I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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