i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Is it penis luge time yet?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize