I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
you had me at cake vodka
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
