She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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