did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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