Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Randomize
