an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
