in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Randomize
