Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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