My first STD was from a foam party
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
