If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
