Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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