Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
