I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
