You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
