What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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