i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
