oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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