How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
