I hate your face
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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