Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
