The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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