Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
