I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
