Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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