Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
