I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
