Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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