why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
