You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
