I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
i now understand why vodka
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
