I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
