so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
