Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Less talking, more tequila
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
