you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
