i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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