Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
