How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize