please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
