Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
