Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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