Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
