How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
