somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
