A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
