No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
