This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
