youre lurking in front of me
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
