I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
