I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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