and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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