i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
this hospital has no fireball
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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