one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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