her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
