youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
