last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
