Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize