I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
