the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
