I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
