i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
