Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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