maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
operation harelip BJ is a go
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
