I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
