There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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