I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
