Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
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