Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
