As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
