oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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