you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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