Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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