Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
