It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
