i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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