Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
