you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
