You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
