dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
