I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
