awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
