I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
