I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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