she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize