Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
