Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
even my farts smell like vagina
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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